2009 was a little terrible, honestly. I've had to move on from a few once-close friendships. For the longest time I couldn't just let go. But now I have, and it sucks, but I feel it's better this way. To those friends, I'd like to say thank you for making me not good enough for you anymore.

I got kicked out of my best friend's wedding because she can be a raging bxtch and I couldn't afford the bridesmaid dress. Oh well. I can't stand weddings anyway.

I found evidence which pointed to my lost love not actually being dead. ... Does that count as good or bad? I'm not sure yet, because I'm still lost in the puzzle. I know NOTHING. But the bread crumbs sure are interesting. Either he decided to cease contact with me five years ago, he really DID die, or the person who told me he died lied to me about it.

I suppose not all of 2009 was a disaster. My boyfriend and I are going on 1 1/2 years. We have our fair share of battles but, let me just be corny for a hot second, love conquers all!

I'm done with college courses (FINALLY. Stupid fxcking school.) All I have to do yet is attend 3 meetings, and the prof shows you how to frame your work to try to get it into the Student Exhibition. I did some pretty good work this year, I think. I finally was able to get my art-brain straight and stick with a solid idea the entire semester. Guess I'll post some of those eventually.

My boyfriend introduced me to some of his government conspiracy resources. Holy shxt, that stuff would blow your mind. America has NO idea how much of a corrupt regime our government really is. But I won't get all preachy now.

So, in the end, I say farewell 2009, you cruel mistress. Here's to hoping that 2010 brings lots of positivity and change for the better. My boyfriend and I are still waiting for the loan money to come in for our clothing boutique (it's been about 8 months). I want to be able to do that now that school's over so I don't have to be an unemployed bum.

Happy 2010 everyone. May it NOT be the heartless cxnt 2009 was. :]

Sooo...

In theory I should just get rid of my dA page, too. I don't use it anymore. I don't know.

Oh wow, deviantART.

Thanks for taking all my SMUT down.

If I don't have Elricest smut on my page for the fans, WHAT DO I HAVE?!



A$$hxles.

Here are the highlights of Otakon '07!:

So Vic Mignogna, Aaron Dismuke, Caitlin Glass and two other VA's I don't know all get on stage and they're about to start. Aaron grabs his microphone and the very first thing that happens is he looks down at me ( I'm in my armor Al costume ) and he says, " Hi, Al! " OhmyGod. Not gonna' lie - it made my life. He was like, " What's it made out of? " and I told him it was Headliner foam. He's still looking at it and he's like, " Is it comfortable? " Yeah, I said, just hot. <3!! I was so excited for Otakon so I could meet him - I hadn't ever before and Al's my favorite so. That definitely made my weekend. Then later in the panel, someone asked something like if the actors could combine one of their characters with an animal, what would it be. Aaron was talking about putting cat ears and claws on Al and then he looks down at me and he's like, " You and me, in the Dealer's Room " ( they sell cat ears there ) like he wanted to test his theory out to see how Al would look as a cat and then we pointed to each other back and forth. Haha. It was silly. But it also made my life. <3

Sunday, we went to The Elric Brothers Q&A panel. We walked in and Kayleigh saw Vic and Aaron standing along the wall. Sunday I was a combination of Al & myself, lol. I wore the arms and legs but I wanted to look nice and not sweaty, so I looked all purty, wore the limbs and just carried Al's torso & helmet. I guess the point behind it all was so that when I saw Aaron, he would know I was a decent-looking girl and not some... creepy ugly nerd or something ( sorry everyone, but I pride myself on being a -normal- otaku, if there really is such a thing ). So we're standing a few feet away from them. I looked over, caught Aaron's eye and motioned for him to come to me. He walked over and I think he poked at Al's horn a little bit, lol. It took him a minute but he was like, " Are you the Al from the panel yesterday? " Yeeeaah. That was me. So we got our picture taken together ( cutest picture ever! It's my new fave ). I had Al's limbs on and I was holding the torso & helmet between us and Aaron had his arm around me. That kid's only 14 but he's like 2 feet taller than me. I was sooo happy I was able to get a picture with him! I would've liked to have gotten in the autograph line, but actually I think I like pictures better. And one or two people saw me and him standing there when Kayleigh was taking our pic and they took pics too, so maybe pics of me and Aaron will be floating around on the interwebz! And we're all still standing together and I turned to Aaron and I was like, " You wanna' put it on? " I was kidding but I think he actually thought about it for a hot second 'cause he was like, " Mm... I kinda' do. " <3!

Everyone still loves my Al. He got tons of love all weekend. We even went out to eat after leaving the con center on Sunday and I was carrying him and little kids were all like, " OooOOOOh. What's thaAaAAat? " Love my Al. He's like my child. <3

So apparently I'm not good enough to be happy in life. Apparently I did something so utterly wrong that the most horrendous Karma seeks me out. It just doesn't fail. Except I always have to wonder "why me?"

I will be utterly MISERABLE at Otakon ( assuming I'm going to actually wake up tomorrow and not want to die instead ). The trip will be abso-fucking-lutely nothing like the magical adventure I was expecting it would be. It's the most fucking worthless waste of time I'll ever experience, and if Kayleigh and Mike didn't want to go, I'd stay home and I don't know, try to knock myself unconscious or something.

I can not, CANNOT fucking believe this has happened. This is BEYOND ridiculous. BEYOND it. I'm done crying ( at least for now until I probably pop 'Conqueror of Shamballa' in, think of the person I probably won't EVER get to see in my entire fucking lifetime and bawl my eyes out until I have a massive headache ).

But here's a request: If you have bad news for me, it would really be a good fucking start to TELL ME, at least over the PHONE. You -know- I'm gonna' flip out anyway, so why pussyfoot the hell around? Thanks. Glad people had the decency to do something other than let me come online and READ the terrible news.

Number 2 - Never EVER in my entire life will I plan a trip. I keep telling myself this, and amazingly this is time #2 I've fucked up and planned something.

My heart is just crushed beyond belief. No one has ANY idea. At this point I probably should just stop typing because I feel the tears coming on.